Sex and money are two of the most taboo topics in our society. Yet they shape nearly every part of our lives, from our self-worth and relationships to our confidence, creativity, and sense of possibility.
Courtney Fae Long has built her life’s work in the space where those taboos overlap. She is a TEDx speaker, a leading-edge sexuality educator, and a teacher with 25 years of experience. With a Master’s Degree in Social Work plus certifications in sex therapy and sexuality education from the University of Michigan, she brings a rare blend of warmth and credibility to a subject most people were never taught how to talk about, let alone understand.
Her TEDx talk, Money and Sex: The Surprising Connection, frames an idea that feels almost too simple until you look at the science: physical intimacy tends to increase happiness and confidence, and when those rise, people often become more effective in their careers and more capable of creating wealth.
Not because sex is a shortcut to success, but because pleasure can shift the nervous system out of chronic stress and into a regulated state where you think clearer, communicate better, lead with more presence, and take healthier risks.
In other words, pleasure is not indulgence. It is fuel.
There’s sex, then there’s the afterglow
One of Courtney’s most distinctive contributions is the way she separates two things most couples lump into one:
- What happens during intimacy
- What happens after, the “sexual afterglow” that can influence your mood, body, and mindset long after the bedroom door closes
Many couples assume that if they are not having much sex, they can close the bedroom door and forget about it. Courtney challenges that assumption. The effects of intimacy do not stay contained to the act itself. They spill into your entire life: how you show up at work, how patient you are with your partner, how confident you feel in your body, and how willing you are to pursue what you want.
Researchers have actually quantified the afterglow. A study published in Psychological Science found lingering benefits of sex that can last up to 48 hours, with elevated feelings of bonding and positivity toward one’s partner. The mechanism includes higher levels of oxytocin, often called the love hormone, and dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter tied to motivation and reward. (Meltzer et al., 2017)
That 48-hour window matters, not just for relationships, but for the rest of your life. When you are more connected, more regulated, and more resourced internally, everything tends to run better.
Why pleasure changes how you think, decide, and lead
Courtney’s work is rooted in a simple observation: many people are not unhappy because they lack discipline or ambition. They are unhappy because they are disconnected from their own aliveness.
When the nervous system is stuck in stress mode, the brain prioritizes survival. You narrow your focus. You become less creative. You default to patterns. You avoid discomfort. You second guess yourself.
Pleasure does the opposite.
Sexual pleasure, and even solo sexual expression, can support nervous system regulation. It can bring the body out of chronic tension and into a state that supports:
- clearer thinking
- emotional resilience
- creativity and idea generation
- improved communication
- more grounded confidence
- stronger relationships
- better sleep and recovery
- greater overall physical health
When people feel more energized and emotionally regulated, they tend to make better decisions, communicate more assertively, and show up with greater leadership presence. That is true in the boardroom, at home, and everywhere in between.
Courtney often describes the result as “living in the glow,” that sense that life feels more lit up, more turned on, and more open to exciting possibilities.
The confidence effect, and what it has to do with money
Courtney is careful not to oversell the connection between sex and wealth. She is not claiming intimacy directly causes a bigger paycheck. But the research does show something provocative.
A study from the Institute for the Study of Labor (IZA) in Germany surveyed 7,500 people ages 26 to 50 and found that people who reported being more sexually active also reported higher wages. (Drydakis, 2013)
The key point is interpretation. The study itself does not prove causation. It is more likely that sexual activity serves as a barometer for overall wellbeing: health, relationship quality, happiness, and self-confidence. Those factors can influence job performance, ambition, energy, and willingness to pursue opportunities.
And that is where Courtney’s framework becomes practical.
When you feel better in your body, you often act differently in your life. You negotiate. You ask for a raise. You pitch the idea. You start the business. You stop shrinking. You take up space.
Sometimes the path to wealth is not more hustle. It is more self-worth.
Desire discrepancy, and the quiet suffering nobody talks about
In sex therapy offices, one of the most common reasons couples seek help is desire discrepancy, when one partner wants sex more than the other. Courtney notes that while the term is common clinically, most people do not walk around saying, “I have desire discrepancy.”
They say, “I want more.”
And behind that desire can be a surprisingly intense emotional experience. Courtney describes four core pain points that show up again and again:
- They are not happy with how often they are having sex
- They have feelings about it, often rejection, shame, sadness, loneliness, or the belief they are “too much”
- They want the sex they do have to feel better, more connected, more passionate
- A secret question many are afraid to admit: should I stay, leave, cheat, or open the relationship?
This is where Courtney’s work moves beyond techniques. She is not just teaching bedroom tips. She is addressing what intimacy represents: connection, belonging, confidence, and the feeling of being wanted.
When that erodes, couples can drift into roommate syndrome, sexless relationships, and what some call a silent divorce, still together on paper but emotionally far apart.
The “my partner has low libido” myth
One of Courtney’s favorite angles is what she calls the myth of low libido.
In many relationships, “low libido” becomes a blanket explanation for why sex is not happening. But it is often a misunderstanding, especially for women.
Many women require significant warm up time, often 20 to 45 minutes of foreplay, to feel fully ready for intercourse. Yet many couples’ entire sexual encounter lasts only 5 to 12 minutes. If a woman is not fully aroused, sex is more likely to feel like something to get through rather than something to crave.
So the story becomes: she has low desire.
But the deeper truth may be: the experience is not set up to be fulfilling for her.
This is why Courtney expands the definition of intimacy beyond a single act. She talks about “all day foreplay,” the flirtatious text, the playful glance, the emotional attunement, the feeling of being pursued and seen. It is not just what happens at night. It is the relational dance that keeps desire alive.
Courtney also works with many women who want more sex than their partner—a dynamic that is far more common than people realize.
Pleasure as a resource, not a reward
Our culture often treats pleasure like a bonus. Something you earn after productivity, after parenting, after chores, after exhaustion.
Courtney flips that script.
Pleasure is a resource rather than a reward. It is something that fuels life, work, and wealth rather than distracting from it.
This is also why she emphasizes that these benefits are not limited to partnered sex. Solo pleasure can also activate many of the same mood enhancing and regulatory effects, supporting confidence and creativity.
Research on workplace spillover aligns with this bigger picture. A study in the Journal of Management found that sexual activity at home can spill over into the workplace, improving next day work engagement and job satisfaction. (Leavitt et al., 2019)
Sex may be the most surprising and underestimated productivity hack. Humans perform better when they feel connected, regulated, loved, and alive.
“Orgasmic ideas” and creativity you cannot force
Courtney’s students often report something unexpected: pleasure sparks creativity.
When the body is flooded with bonding and reward chemicals, your mind can open. You become less rigid. More imaginative. More willing to explore.
Courtney calls the insights that come through in that state “orgasmic ideas,” those sudden, bright bursts of inspiration that can lead to breakthroughs that impact work and income.
It makes sense. Creative work requires openness. It requires safety. It requires a nervous system that is not stressed or bracing for impact.
This kind of brilliant idea cannot be forced with discipline. Yet it can be cultivated through pleasure.
Practical action step: schedule pleasure dates
If this all sounds powerful but abstract, Courtney keeps it grounded with a simple practice:
Schedule Pleasure Dates, either solo or with a partner, at least once a week.
A pleasure date is not a rigid script. It is intentional time to prioritize connection, play, and pleasure. Courtney even designs themed pleasure dates for her clients, like a date for relieving stress or a date that amplifies joy. The point is not performance. The point is nourishment.
Because when pleasure is treated as optional, it often disappears.
And when it disappears, people often lose more than sex. They lose energy, lightness, creativity, patience, and the sense that life feels good.
The bigger message: turned on people make a better world
Courtney’s mission is disarmingly simple: people could be happier.
She believes sexual fulfillment is one of the most underestimated pathways to happiness, and that happiness has a ripple effect. When people feel turned on for life, they are more self-expressed. More confident. More creative. More connected. They tend to make better choices, treat each other better, and bring more life into their work.
Her message is not just about intimacy.
It is about what intimacy unlocks.
Or as she puts it in her own memorable phrasing: we make money, we make love, we make the world a better place.
References
- Meltzer, A. L., Makhanova, A., Hicks, L. L., French, J. E., McNulty, J. K., & Bradbury, T. N. (2017). Quantifying the Sexual Afterglow: The Lingering Benefits of Sex and Their Implications for Pair Bonded Relationships. Psychological Science, 28(5), 587–598. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797617691361
- Drydakis, N. (2013). The effect of sexual activity on wages (IZA Discussion Paper No. 7529). Institute for the Study of Labor (IZA). https://docs.iza.org/dp7529.pdf
- Leavitt, K., Barnes, C. M., Watkins, T., & Wagner, D. T. (2019). From the Bedroom to the Office: Workplace Spillover Effects of Sexual Activity at Home. Journal of Management, 45(3), 1173–1192. https://doi.org/10.1177/0149206317698022
